I know I tend to do the craziest things during my birthday month so for this year I decided not to make any major decisions: no tattoo sessions, no haircut, no accepting of new freelance gigs. What I didn’t expect was for someone to ask me that question, a year after we finally decided it won’t work out.

Long distance, no way. I answered.

Final answer?

I stopped and went away from my laptop. I longed for a stick, but I quit a few months ago so I had to content myself with a cup of yogurt. I could hear the application buzzing but I wasn’t ready to answer him yet.

I had needed to go away and think for a while because for some insane reason I was thinking of trying again. Would it be easier this time now that we’ve grown a bit? Or will it be much harder because of the distance?

Then again, distance could give me the kind of freedom that I want. Distance we could bridge with technology–phones, ym, skype, email. Distance we’ve actually been bridging for a while now using these web applications.

When my phone rang, I knew it was him and that my time was up.

The answer’s no but you could ask me in April.

Why April?

Because I’ve noticed that I do crazy things during my birth month. This year I promised myself I won’t.

He laughed.

You’re a risk taker, always have been. I know you’re thinking of the what ifs already, go na!

I am a risk taker, yes,  but not with emotions and relationships. Some of my friends call me a commitment phobe. I call it self preservation.

March really is a crazy month. Why else would I be thinking of trying it again with M? I’m sticking to my plans. No crazy and impulsive decisions this year, period.

?